Snoop

So I’m sitting at a red light, on the way to Trader Joe’s, daydreaming about tiki torches and piña coladas with Sharon Maralago. This orange Charger pulls up beside me, Snoop Dogg blasting out of the windows blowing my whole fantasy thing. Man, I hate that. Rollin down the street, smoking indo, sippin on gin and juice / Laid back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind… Green light and Snoop’s gone, just like my golden dreamgirl, Sharon.    

Coffee Date

Nan and Bob met online. Agreeing to a coffee date, he suggested Romero’s. She said Rocky’s was better. So, they went there and she didn’t like their table, wanted to move. They ordered coffee, and apple pie for him. She griped about her weight and ate half of his apple pie. He opened his mouth to speak but she spoke first, complaining. She then asked about next time, but he stood, tossed a few bills on the table and said, “Maybe in another life.”    

Candy Corn

Zahra had been around the block a few times and knew the old guy in the tan suit was a weirdo. But she needed money to fix that damn Chevy again and told him to come on in. Ordinary wouldn’t do it for him so he said lie spread-eagle naked on the floor, then outlined her body with candy corn. Zahra hated candy corn. Next, he got down like a chicken and pecked it all up, calling out, “Buk buk buk buk brrr-awk!” Later, Zahra felt ashamed of herself.