Trailing a finger slowly around
the rim of her water glass and looking out from the big window of the café, Charlene
wondered if she was being stood up. He said two o’clock. What time was it now? She
knew there was a clock on the wall over the counter but forced her eyes to look
the other way, keeping them trained on the empty street. Not empty really but missing
the one figure she burned to see. Did he forget? She would die if it happened
again.
I really liked this. Is a gentle criticism allowed? Since words are at a premium, I think one sentence can be cut and maybe five words used elsewhere. Reads better (to me) like this: "He said two o'clock. She knew there was a clock on the wall . . . etc." She is thinking about time at that point and it is not necessary to ask herself what time it is. Good stuff though. Haven't we all experienced this in some form?
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